I look in the mirror all the time,
hoping that I see
Something other than ugly,
maybe someone other than me
I look in the mirror
with feelings of not being good enough
For the people who see me
I want to know why,
but there’s probably not one miracle answer
to the question that I seek
I look in the mirror seeing that I’m weak,
until I put on my makeup to cover up the low self-esteem.
I look in the mirror seeing all the imperfections
I wish I could instantly change,
not just the image, but also the pain.
I have been mistreated,
and literally had the door slammed in my face.
And these things that were done to me,
is apart of the image I see everyday
Emptiness becomes unattractiveness
Fatigue becomes fat.
And I look to the mirror for validation of beauty
that I can never see
Because I can never compete
with the self-image I want to see.
I debate whether or not
I hate the woman inside of me
or the woman I see standing in front of me.
Or do I have a level of hate
towards all the dimensions of me
If the image changed,
would I finally be comfortable within me?
Or if I changed within myself
would I see my physical image differently?
And if I become good enough for society
Would I ever be good enough for me?
Or if I become good enough for me
Would it matter what society thinks?
But all I know is when I look in the mirror
ugliness is all I see.