Victimized 

Victimized 

By:Jenny Alforria 

John has a degree

A job

and a nice home 

He’s handsome and wealthy 

Got a family to call his own! 

Parents supported him 

every step of the way

He’s set for life…

things always went his way

Every time he walks to work 

he sees a homeless man who begs

He walks past him in disgust 

you can tell he’s on drugs 

John just doesn’t understand 

why people like him 

can’t pull themselves up

This man is such a bum 

Stop begging for money 

just to get drugs 

Get a damn job!!!

John could care less 

about this Jon Doe 

who he wish would get lost

John works hard! 

Why can’t this homeless man 

do the same? 

Yeah John is unhappy at times 

Sometimes he can’t sleep 

His wife only loves him 

for the image 

and material things 

His kids look at him 

as a wallet 

never had to worry about anything 

I guess you can say 

John is a participating member of society

He’s living that American Dream…..

John drinks coffee 

to get through his long days

Deep down he’s unhappy with his job 

but hey!…..

as long as he gets paid 

He got a life style 

and family to maintain

Little does John know 

him and that homeless man 

is very much the same 

Both confined by society 

Both trying to get through the day 

They both inject themselves 

but in a different way 

Both chasing after money 

Trying to feed that emptiness 

each and every day 

Brainwashed by false messages

Both are a slave to money 

Both are disconnected from God 

John doesn’t realize 

He’s no better 

than the homeless man he sees

John doesn’t see 

they are both victimized 

By society 

The Void 

The Void 
You keep on filling the void 

that you don’t even see

The void you feel 

right before you take a drink 

You keep on filling this void 

to feel some relief 

But it comes right back 

right before you sleep 

You are looking to substitute 

the love you never had 

You keep on trying to find a substitute 

for your dead mom and dad 

You keep on exhausting yourself 

trying to ease your mind 

You looking for something that you’ll never find 

Trying to complete a puzzle 

but you’re missing a piece 

But that piece is you! 

That’s the one you slowly killing 

just to have some peace.

You feel so alone 

amoung a crowd….

You feel like no one will understand 

the way you feel and think

You put on a mask 

begging for love

 but all you do is get abused and used

Because you are afraid to be yourself 

You’re afraid to choose 

just being you

You wish the void could get filled 

by materialistic things 

but you feel dead 

and dead is sometimes what you rather be. 

I know this feeling well, 

I see what you see 

After all this poem is about 

the void I have inside of me. 

Lisa 

Lisa

By: Jenny Alforria

Lisa died as a crack head on the street

As a hoe

And a thief

No good for anything

But before you pass these judgements

Let me tell you Lisa’s story

Then let me know

what you think

Lisa was once a child

Had it difficult growing up

Was molested by her step father

at 8 years old

Physically abused by her mom

She stayed home a lot

Taking care of her siblings

was her job

She was always told she wasn’t nothing

From the day she was born

Finally told her mom

about her step dad molesting her

when she became 10 years old

Mom didn’t care

what was happening to her every night

Cuz at the end of the day

he’s bringing home the money

And she should be happy

she has a father figure in her life

So Lisa didn’t talk about it anymore

Continued to lay there

and num her brain

as he came in her room at night

Then at 13 years old

she began getting attention

from other guys

That attention was love to her

The only way she felt beautiful inside

Got her self a boyfriend

who was 25 years old

He was a drug dealer

Didn’t care about her

Sad to say this was a break

from her abuser at home

Even though

Her boyfriend sold her body to his friends

She thought this was love

And

That’s when

Her best friend

Became drugs

She hated herself

but her boyfriend made her feel

like she was worth while

Until she got pregnant at 14

He told her to get out of his life

She had to give up the child

she was called a whore by her family

Then she was placed into a foster home

They couldn’t handle her issues

They didn’t know she was trying

But she couldn’t adjust

to this type of thing

She felt misunderstood

So she ran away at 16

Sex was love to her

It boosted her self esteem

She sold her body to men

That’s the only thing she felt

she really knew

Her teachers always told her

she was a bad kid

So she didn’t see a chance

of making it through school

Moved in with abusive dude

after abusive dude

Like this was normal to her

But this is how she got through

When she became an adult

she went from pills to crack

Neighborhood made fun of Lisa

She wasn’t nothing but a hoe

and a crack head

they said

She became so desperate

to feed her drug habit

She became a theif

Stealing tvs from all her friends

Couldn’t trust her with anything

The life she was living caught up to her

When she robbed a drug dealer

she was seeing

Sold her body to him

Manipulated him

Then robbed him

for thousands and thousands of dollars worth of things

So he raped her with his crew

Beat her till she bled

Cut up her body

Then threw it in a trash bag

But if you ask anyone

They say she had it coming

She was no good

A crack head ,

A hoe,

and a thief

No one would say Lisa had it hard

That at one point

She was actually trying

No one would explain how

she was victimized her whole life

No one would remember her as anything other then a crack head

A hoe

And a theif

No one will see

how Lisa was just responding

to her environment

That she was a symptom

Of a sick society

No one will even identify her as Lisa

Once an innocent child

Society made Lisa

ostrachized her for her crack head ways

And when they were ready

they threw Lisa away

No one will see

She was murdered by society

society killed an innocent child

Not a crack head

A hoe

Or a thief

So now that you heard Lisa’s story

let me know

what you think…….

My Life In Active Addiction

My Life in Active Addiction

By:Jenny Alforria

Do you know how it feels

to have a pain so deep

that it will never heal

….you are just left so emotionally disabled to the point it impacts you

mentally and physically.

You lost something so special

that words can’t even articulate the pain.

You are left emotionally paralyzed

from the pain you suffered,

only no one can see

that the pills are the cane…..

Your disability is invisible to society

and you pretend you’re fully functional

and it wears you out more and more.

Your mind is like the legs

you shouldn’t be walking on.

You do everything you can

just to keep pace.

Just to be normal,

work a job,

go to school, Etc…..

but you are not Normal…..

and it hurts when no one sees it

but it hurts to let people know…..

That you have a pill problem,

want to kill yourself

and you don’t know what to do.

So you just try to be like everyone else,

so you try your best to push through

and appear normal…

just so you’re not left feeling alone,

but you’re alone anyway

when you come home

and the cane is on the bed side

and you’re crying from all that pain of walking all day long…..

You’re so fuckin tired

and you’re so sick

and you’re so lost

and you can’t for the life of you

get the help you need

because your disease

and your suffering and pain is invisible. And you planning out the suicide

all in your head.

How, What, Where, and When…..

my depression and self medication problems are eating at me,

but I act like I have them under control

but I don’t…

I’m just good at fooling everyone I know due to the costume I put on,

my disease looks at society like a show. Shit I even fool myself…

How do I articulate I need a hug,

but also someone to come over my place every now and then….

Maybe with some take out….

just friends to come by regularly to hang out with me.

I don’t even need to be understood

as much as I want to be cared about

and shown that I exist

and that I matter to people.

Cuz right now I feel like taking all the pills i got

and drifting away in the tub.

Forgetting all my pain,

ignoring all the scars.

That way I no longer will need this cane. No longer worried about pretending to walk.

Just let my body emerge in the water…

and stop this psychological pain

and most of all

end the pain I feel in my heart

No Self Love 

No Self-Love

By: Jenny Alforria

People told me all my life

that I can’t love no one else

till I love myself

I can’t find love

from someone else….

Majority of my life I been abused

The people who were supposed to love me were the ones who hated me

They have put these things in my mind

that I’m not good enough,

that I’m only meant to be used.

But you tell me I have to love myself….

I’ve been told I was nothing for years

Face your fears

and wipe those tears

Baby you’re gorgeous…

but I get taken advantage of…

Can you see why

I have this fucked up definition of love.????

I’m told to accept myself

and move on from the past

Kind of hard to do

when the self I am

is the one you tell to wear a mask.

The point is

I’m starting off from scratch

Don’t know how to love myself

or where to begin.

I’ve been running around in circles aimlessly trying to love from within

But maybe I’m so loving to others

because I can see myself inside them

I don’t have an objective point of view when it comes to loving me.

So I have to look outside myself

to find my own beauty,

I get judged for this,

but I’m sorry this is me!

So when I give,

when I kiss,

when I make you smile,

laugh,

and make your day

I finally see my own beauty

that my past has hidden away.

Through you I love myself,

I’m sorry I’m this way….

Dress Up 

Dress Up

By:Jenny Alforria

Do you know what it’s like to drown in your own depression

and hope you don’t wake up out of your sleep

Do you know what it’s like to hate your self and your body,

but wanting it to be loved

but wanting no one to see you because of your low self esteem….

Do you know what it’s like to

cut your arms and cry just for a release.

Self hatred, drugs, sex, and alcohol becomes the only things your body needs

Do you know how it’s like looking in the mirror for hours

but never really looking at you.

Trying to hang out with people and pretending to be happy…

but you never really are.

Do you know what it’s like running away from your own truth…

I just want to find a resting place…

somewhere away from myself.

Cuz my spirit is in hell….

and God showed me heaven,,,,,,

but heaven seems far away when the drugs, lust, love, material things

and me are in the way…

slowly stripping the costume away

to the little girl who’s tired of running away…

exhausted and malnourished from poison and self abuse….

I act like I love myself to the point the world believes that lie…

but somewhere deep inside I’m dying and I want to feel alive…

trying to find my life in recovery trying to heal the girl inside,,,,

helping her to grow into a woman so she can match the outside too….

sometimes I feel alone…like no one cares about me, like no one understands…

and sometimes I wish people loved the inside just as much as they loved the outside…

or maybe even more..

and I dress the outside up because I feel like no one will like the little girl 😢