Breaking the Cycle 

Breaking the Cycle 

By: Jenny Alforria 

I sometimes look at myself 

and see nothing but pain and agony. 

I look at myself and see all the hurtful things 

that was done to me……

Every morning I feel this pressure to be better than my mom 

Rise above my family 

But sometimes I cry 

because I feel like Im repeating the cycle of agony 

I try to tell myself I’m different from my relatives 

I don’t want to self destruct 

and end up like my Mother did. 

I won’t be abusive, 

I won’t throw away my intelligence….. 

I won’t die like 

my mother and father did……

I won’t snort cocaine, 

I won’t shoot heroin

I won’t let alcohol put me in an early grave 

I won’t abandon my future children..

I won’t bring my kids with me 

into the lifestyle of homelessness…….

I won’t sell my instruments and all my possessions…..

Just to get food and get high like my parents did…..

I won’t lose everyone I love 

and throw away my career…..

I won’t get to the mountain 

and fall off the peak…..

I have to be strong, 

I can’t be weak.

So sometimes I avoid getting to the top because I’m scared to fail. 

Sometimes being in limbo is comfortable…..

taking it slow is safe…..

But at the same time

 I can’t stay in this constant state 

So I’m pushing and pushing 

to be a better person 

Disassociate myself from my Family

Try to live with Determination and Grace 

Let Gods will 

have control over my fate 

Follow the signs, 

live with hope and faith 

These thoughts and worries aren’t real 

They are automatic irrational cognitive thoughts 

I can break them with my therapist 

I am human, 

some pieces won’t leave me 

Doesn’t mean the past is repeating 

Keep pushing….

And break my self destructive thinking 

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