My Complicated Relationship 

My Complicated Relationship 

By: Jenny Alforria 

My Complicated Relationship

See me and the world have this complicated relationship…..
Prayer is suggested during difficult times. 

But sometimes I feel like

 no one can hear my cries. 

Like I’m yelling out 

and the only thing I can hear 

Is echos of my own broken voice 

No one sees anything 

past my overweight figure 

No one hears anything 

past the words I never say 

I feel the world moving straight pass me 

Every time the world paid attention to me

It was to get what it wanted out of me 

Sometimes it grabbed my body parts, 

Pulled down my pants 

Sometimes it demanded higher grades 

And when it wanted to be nice 

it gave me pills to forget things 

that have happened to me. 

Sometimes the world will tell me 

a cluster of things 

Such as I’m a slut 

I’m ugly or just not good enough….

Sometimes the world will say nothing at all while I cried and cried asking why me? 

Why must my life be this way? 

Silence hurt me the most 

The echoes of my own broken voice…..

This loneliness I feel leads me to believe that the world will be better off without me 

That maybe I should take the worlds advice and just go die. 

Because maybe my body, high grades and hard work 

is all the world wants out of me….

Maybe this world I live in 

doesn’t care for my cries 

Or wants to be bothered with 

what keeps me up at night 

Maybe this world doesn’t want to be bothered with my longing for suicide. 

Maybe this world is too preoccupied with the me that’s in tip top shape, 

And can care less about the weight that I gain because I can no longer leave my bed. 

Maybe the world is too obsessed with the grades that I am able to keep 

Or the work productivity I am able to have 

It can care less about the child hood it stole from me…

It can care less about the times 

it raped and violated me and betrayed me….

Forgive me if I’m tired of pretending to be this perfect human being. 

That I can just continue being silent about what this world has done to me 

And like a scared abused child pretend like everything is fine and nothing is going on. 

The world keeps yelling at me to just keep going. 

The world keeps telling me to be 

the best me, 

while it kicks me and chokes me….

The world and I have this complicated relationship….

And I have gotten to the point that I just want to break up with it 

and move on….

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